A Non Googley Person Demonstrates That Fact
February 7, 2022
I read “Google Slides is Actually Hilarious.” Ms. Javier, may I call you Laura? Laura, I want to be helpful. You have identified logical functions in a content creation tool from the company that embodies technology. Your failure to recognize the company’s brilliance — essentially the breath-taking equivalent of Brunelleschi’s dome or Einstein’s theory of relativity — make it clear that you have to rewire your thinking in order to appreciate the outputs of Googzilla. I fear your write up offers hard evidence that you, earnest but obtuse Laura, are not Googley. Definitely.
Let me highlight three quantum supremacy grade functions you find amusing:
First, left aligned text in circles. Indeed, the stylistic touch is “very cool.” Competitive projects like Microsoft’s sad looking PowerPoint or Libre’s donkey-like Impress continue the death-by-slide-deck motifs that lost favor in one of General Schwarzkophf Jr.’s White House presentations. Believe me, the off center text offers a visual break from the dreary sameness of Department of Defense-contractor created slide decks. Loosen up. Don’t be like General Schwarzkopf Jr. Embrace the left aligned! Now!
Second, your statement that “it’s impossible to align text with images.” Oh, Laura, it is only impossible for the non-Googley. The work arounds are easy: [1] Write a script in Go. [2] Have the script output of the text presented in a PNG files as “art.” [3] Have the script create a new slide. [4] Have the Snorkel based AI determine the high probability location at which to paste in the art. [5] The Pichai approved smart software will copy the art from new slide to your rather lame slide with this type of calculation:
Thanks to MathIsFun.com for the circle.
[6] When the script ends, you can adjust final placement by holding the Shift key and using the cursor keys to move the PNG where you want it. What’s the big deal. Laura, dare I ask, “Are you adept at Go? Maybe Python?”
Finally, the “transparency slider that starts at zero.” Oh, Laura, you are in the visible light portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. The Google is banging along in gamma ray land. It is obvious that sliders begin at zero and increment upwards, just like Google’s ad revenue and the number of irrelevant items in a search results page.
Net net: I know you will read books to learn, talk to people who are sadly not Googley, and try to be creative. It’s okay to be not Googley. Laura, I think I see some sunshine in this Google presentation situation.
Stephen E Arnold, February 7, 2022
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