Apple Disdain: The Right to Repair? Absolutely, Well, Sort Of…

May 23, 2022

I read “Apple Shipped Me a 79-Pound iPhone Repair Kit to Fix a 1.1 Ounce Battery.” The allegedly true write up reports:

Apple has been lobbying to suppress right-to-repair policies around the country, with the company accused of doing everything it can to keep customers from repairing their own phones.

Now Apple wants to be helpful.

What’s needed to insert a battery in a current iPhone?

The article states:

I expected Apple would send me a small box of screwdrivers, spudgers, and pliers; I own a mini iPhone, after all. Instead, I found two giant Pelican cases — 79 pounds of tools — on my front porch. I couldn’t believe just how big and heavy they were considering Apple’s paying to ship them both ways.

The repair kit strikes me — and this is my opinion —  what some lower-class real journalist might describe as a bright digital finger for anyone who thinks he/she/it/them can repair an Apple device. Doesn’t the vaunted Apple manufacturing method utility robots or individuals richly compensated in OSHA and EPA approved facilities to make the gizmos for thick fingered humanoids? In my experience, humans are less than zero when it comes to precision assembly of gadgets and gizmos. What about those rows of happy workers I recall seeing in unverified write ups about worker abuse, child labor, and  happy re-education campers? My view is that those “people” are M2 chip powered robots manufactured by other robots to look a bit like moms, dads, college students, and others looking for truly rewarding, intellectually engaging work.

Therefore, when a mere real humanoid customer buys and breaks a device, the non-Deep Fake customer is 100% responsible for trotting to the Apple store, assuming it is open due to assorted medical and Genius considerations. The sausage-fingered real humanoid who wants to do an iPhone repair on his/her, its/thems kitchen table may work with light from the flickering middle finger. I hope there is an Apple logo tattooed on the hand itself. That’s exception design grammar, is it not?

How customer centric is the Apple approach to the right to repair an iPhone? The write up concludes:

It would be an understatement to say that Apple has a history of resisting right-to-repair efforts.

Now what purpose does that really big digital middle finger serve? The answer may appear in “I Can’t Imagine a Day without Proctology,” available from Amazon for less than $7.

Stephen E Arnold, May 23, 2022


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