Forty Firms and the European Union Demonstrate Their Failure to Be Googley
October 20, 2022
In the last 25 years, an estimated 300,000 people have worked for the Google as FTEs (full time equivalents). My view is that the current crop of European Union officials as well as the senior managers of several dozen online shopping services firms are not Google-grade human resources. Why do I make this distinction between those who are Googley and those who do not make the grade. Being Googley is not like the French Foreign Legion. In that organization, a wanna be Legionnaire must do push ups, master the lingo of the new homeland, and be ready to die for France. At Google one must be clever, have the “right stuff” intellectually, and be adept at solving problems, playing with a mobile phone, and manipulating a Mac simultaneously. Being Googley means understanding the ethos of the forever young online search system. That system, as I understand it, accepts the constraints of the GoTo, Overture, and Yahoo online advertising concept. Furthermore that system accepts that Oingo became a key component in matching advertising to user interests. Thus, to be Googley means that smart software, minimal interaction with humanoids who are by definition are “not Googley,” and reliance on charging for entering and leaving a digital saloon. Extra cash is required to enjoy the for fee options in the establishment; for example, a mouse pad with the Google logo silkscreened thereupon.
I read “EU Companies Claim Google Still Abusing its Shopping Power.” The article explains that a number of companies believe the Google is not behaving in a warm, friendly, collegial manner. Are these firms’ allegations correct?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that the companies signing the letter to EU regulators are demonstrating to me that these organizations are not Googley. What does this mean? May I hypothesize about the implications of lacking an understanding of the Alphabet Google YouTube DeepMind organization might be? Of course, you say. So here are my thoughts:
- None of the signatories nor the employees of these signatories will receive first-class tchotchkes at conferences at which AGYD has a booth or stand equipped with freebies
- None of the signatories, their employees, nor their progeny will be hired by AGYD due to manifest non Googliness. (Remember, please, that Googliness is next to Godliness. Who else can solve death?)
- None of the Web sites, online properties, or content objects will be made findable by the “black box” operated by closely guarded algorithms and informed by the superior methods of the smart software. (I must admit I find the idea “if you are findable in Google, you do not exist) a most existentially well formed idea.
- None of the elected officials involved in fining, criticizing, or demonstrating non Googliness will be supported in their re-election efforts by the GOOG’s powerful systems.
AGYD is not a company. It is a digital country. It handles more than 90 percent of the search queries in North America, South America, and Western Europe. YouTube is television for those in Eastern Europe. The Google is bigger than the definitely Google challenged in Europe. Perhaps thinking about the downsides of not being Googley is a useful activity? Just a thought. But it may be too late for the 40 outfits signing a letter attesting to their failure in the Google Comprehension Examination.
Stephen E Arnold, October 20, 2022
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