Bing Begins, Dear Sundar and Prabhakar

March 9, 2023

Note: Note written by an artificial intelligence wonder system. The essay is the work of a certified dinobaby, a near80-year-old fossil. The Purple Prose parts are made up comments by me, the dinobaby, to help improve the meaning behind the words.

I think the World War 2 Dear John letter has been updated. Today’s version begins:

Dear Sundar and Prabhakar…

The New Bing and Edge – Progress from Our First Month” by Yusuf Mehdi explains that Bing has fallen in love with marketing. The old “we are so like one another, Sundar and Prabhakar” is now

“The magnetic Ms. OpenAI introduced me to her young son, ChatGPT. I am now going steady with that large language model. What a block of data! And I hope, Sundar and Prabhakar, we can still be friends. We can still chat, maybe at the high school reunion? Everyone will be there. Everyone. Timnit Gebru, Jerome Pesenti, Yan Lecun, Emily Bender, and you two, of course.”

The write up does not explicitly say these words. Here’s the actual verbiage from the marketing outfit also engaged in unpatchable security issues:

It’s hard to believe it’s been just over a month since we released the new AI-powered Bing and Edge to the world as your copilot for the web.  In that time, we have heard your feedback, learned a lot, and shipped a number of improvements.  We are delighted by the virtuous cycle of feedback and iteration that is driving strong Bing improvements and usage. 

A couple of questions? Is the word virtuous related to the word virgin? Pure, chaste, unsullied, and not corrupted by … advertising? Has it been a mere 30 days since Sundar and Prabhakar entered the world of Code Red? Were they surprised that their Paris comedy act drove attendees to Le Bar Bing? Is the copilot for the Web ready to strafe the digital world with Bing blasts?

Let’s look at what the love letter reports:

  • A million new users. What’s the Google pulled in with their change in the curse word policy for YouTube?
  • More searches on Le Bing than before the tryst with ChatGPT. Will Google address relevance ranking of bogus ads for a Thai restaurant favored by a certain humanoid influencer?
  • A mobile app. Sundar and Prabhakar, what’s happening with your mobile push? Hasn’t revenue from the Play store declined in the last year? Declined? Yep. As in down, down, down.

Is Bing a wonder working relevance engine? No way.

Is Bing going to dominate my world of search of retrieval? For the answer, just call 1 800 YOU WISH, please.

Is Bing winning the marketing battle for smarter search? Oh, yeah.

Well, Sundar and Prabhakar, don’t let that Code Red flashing light disturb your sleep. Love and kisses, Yusuf Mehdi. PS: The high school reunion is coming up. Maybe we can ChatGPT?

Stephen E Arnold, March 9, 2023


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