Google: Any Day Now, Any Day Now
April 21, 2023
Note: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid.
I read what could be a recycled script from the Sundar and Prabhakar Comedy Show. Although not yet a YouTube video series, the company is edging ever closer to becoming the most amusing online advertising company in Mountain View.
“Google Devising Radical Search Changes to Beat Back A.I. Rivals” is chock full of one-liners. Now these are not as memorable as Jack Benny’s “I’m thinking it over” or Abbott and Costello’s “I don’t know is on third”, but the Google is in the ball park.
I liked these statements:
The tech giant is sprinting. [Exactly how does Googzilla sprint?]
Google is racing [Okay, Kentucky Derby stuff or NASCAR stuff? One goes at the speed of organisms, and the other is into the engineering approach to speed. Google is in progressive tense mode, not delivering results mode.]
…we’re excited about bringing new A.I.-powered features to search, and will share more details soon.” [I laughed at the idea of an outfit in panic and Red Alert mode getting exciting. Is this like a high school science club learning that it has qualified to participate in the international math competition or excite like members of the high school science club learning that the club will not be expelled for hijacking the principal’s morning announcements.]
“Modernizing its search engine has become an obsession at Google…” [I wonder if this is the type of obsession that pulled the Google VP to his yacht with a specialized contractor allegedly in possession of a controlled substance or the legal eagle populating his nest or the Google HR mastermind who made stochastic parrot the go-to phrase for discrimination and bias.’’]
The article contains more comedic gems. The main point is that my team and I cannot keep pace with the number of new applications of the chatbot technology. Amazon is giving the capability away free. China’s technical sector continues to beaver away adding to its formidable array of software capabilities. Plus we spotted a German outfit able to crank out interesting videos of former President Obama making fascinating statements about another former president.
The future and progressive present tenses are interesting. Other firms are outputting features, services, and products at a remarkable pace.
And what’s the Google search sensitive professionals doing? Creating more grist for the Sundar and Prabhakar Comedy Show.
The only problem is that Google continues to talk, do PR, and promise. What’s that suggest about quantum supremacy or delivering relevant search results? I do know one thing. If I want an answer, I am going to run the query on the You.com service, thank you very much.
Stephen E Arnold, April 21, 2023
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