Google: Traffic in Kings Cross? Not So Hot
April 6, 2023
Note: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid.
I saw a picture of a sign held by a Googler (maybe a Xoogler or a Xoogler to be?) with the message:
Google layoffs. Hostile. Unnecessary. Brutal. Unfair.
Another Google PR/HR moment upon which the management team can surf… or drown? (One must consider different outcomes, mustn’t one?)
I did a small bit of online sleuthing and discovered what may be a “real” news story about the traffic hassles in King’s Cross this morning (April 4, 2023). “Unite Google Workers Strike Outside London HQ over Alleged Appalling Treatment” reports:
Google workers have been reduced to tears by fears of being made redundant, a union representative told a London rally… Others clutched placards with messages such as “Being evil is not a strategy” and “R.I.P Google culture 1998 – 2023”.
Google’s wizardly management team allegedly said:
Google said it has been “constructively engaging and listening to employees”.
I want to highlight a quite spectacular statement, which — for all I know — could have been generated by Google’s smart software which has allegedly been infused with some ChatGPT goodness:
It [the union for aspiring Xooglers] also alleges that employees with disabilities are being told to get a doctor’s note if they want a colleague to attend their meetings and “even then, union representation is still prohibited”.
Let me put this in context. Google is dealing with what I call the Stapler Affair. Plus, it continues to struggle against the stream of marketing goodness flowing from Redmond, seat of the new online advertising pretender to Google’s throne. The company continues to flail at assorted legal eagles bringing good tidings of great joy to lawyers billing for the cornucopia of lawsuits aimed at the Google.
My goodness. Now Google has created a bit of ill will for London sidewalk, bus, and roadway users. Does this sound like a desirable outcome? Maybe for Google senior management, not those trying to be happy at King’s Cross.
Stephen E Arnold, April 6, 2023
Google, Does Quantum Supremacy Imply That Former Staff Grouse in Public?
April 5, 2023
Note: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid.
I am not sure if this story is spot on. I am writing about “Report: A Google AI Researcher Resigned after Learning Google’s Bard Uses Data from ChatGPT.” I am skeptical because today is All Fools’ Day. Being careful is sometimes a useful policy. An exception might be when a certain online advertising company is losing bigly to the marketing tactics of [a] Microsoft, the AI in Word and Azure Security outfit, [b] OpenAI and its little language model that could, and [c] Midjourney which just rolled out its own camera with a chip called Bionzicle. (Is this perhaps pronounced “bio-cycle” like washing machine cycle or “bion zickle” like bio pickle? I go with the pickle sound; it seems appropriate.
The cited article reports as actual factual real news:
ChatGPT AI is often accused of leveraging “stolen” data from websites and artists to build its AI models, but this is the first time another AI firm has been accused of stealing from ChatGPT. ChatGPT is powering Bing Chat search features, owing to an exclusive contract between Microsoft and OpenAI. It’s something of a major coup, given that Bing leap-frogged long-time search powerhouse Google in adding AI to its setup first, leading to a dip in Google’s share price.
This is im port’ANT as the word is pronounced on a certain podcast.
More interesting to me is that recycled Silicon Valley type real news verifies this remarkable assertion as the knowledge output of a PROM’ inANT researcher, allegedly named Jacob Devlin. Mr. Devil has found his future at – wait for it – OpenAI. Wasn’t OpenAI the company that wanted to do good and save the planet and then discovered Microsoft backing, thirsty trapped AI investors, and the American way of wealth?
Net net: I wish I could say, April’s fool, but I can’t. I have an unsubstantiated hunch that Google’s governance relies on the whims of high school science club members arguing about what pizza topping to order after winning the local math competition. Did the team cheat? My goodness no. The team has an ethical compass modeled on the triangulations of William McCloundy or I.O.U. O’Brian, the fellow who sold the Brooklyn Bridge in the early 20th century.
Stephen E Arnold, April 5, 2023
Google Economics: The Cost of Bard Versus Staplers
April 4, 2023
Note: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid.
Does anyone remember the good old days at the Google. Tony Bennett performing in the cafeteria. What about those car washes? How about the entry security system which was beset with door propped open with credit card receipts from Fred’s Place. Those were the days.
I read “Google to Cut Down on Employee Laptops, Services and Staplers for Multi-Year Savings.” The article explains:
Google said it’s cutting back on fitness classes, staplers, tape and the frequency of laptop replacements for employees. One of the company’s important objectives for 2023 is to “deliver durable savings through improved velocity and efficiency.” Porat said in the email. “All PAs and Functions are working toward this,” she said, referring to product areas. OKR stands for objectives and key results.
Yes, OKR. I wonder if the Sundar and Prabhakar comedy act will incorporate staplers into their next presentation.
And what about the $100 billion the Google “lost” after its quantum supremacy smart software screwed up in Paris? Let’s convert that to staplers, shall we? Today (April 4, 2023), I can purchase one office stapler from Amazon (Google’s fellow traveler in trashing relevance with advertisements) for $10.98. I liked the Bostitch Office Heavy Duty device, which is Amazon’s number one best seller (according to Amazon marketing).
The write up pointed out:
Staplers and tape are no longer being provided to print stations companywide as “part of a cost effectiveness initiative,” according to a separate, internal facilities directive viewed by CNBC.
To recoup that $100 million, Google will have to not purchase 9,107,468.12. I want to retain the 0.12 because one must be attentive to small numbers (unlike some of the fancy math in the Snorkel world). Google, I have heard, has about 100,000 “employees”, but it is never clear which are “real” employees, contractors, interns, or mysterious partners. Thus each of these individuals will be responsible for NOT losing or breaking 91 staplers per year.
I know the idea of rationing staplers is like burning Joan of Arc. It’s not an opportunity to warm a croissant; it is the symbolism of the event.
Google in 2023 knows how to keep me in stitches. Sorry, staples. And the cost of Bard? As the real Bard said:
Poor and content is rich and rich enough,
But riches fineless is as poor as winter
To him that ever fears he shall be poor. (Othello, III.iv)
Stephen E Arnold, April 4, 2023
Ready, Fire, Aim: Google and File Limits
April 4, 2023
Google is quite accomplished when the firm is required to ingest money from its customers. These are individuals and organizations “important” to the company which operates in self-described quantum supremacy mode. In a few other corporate functions, the company is less polished.
One example is described in “Google Drive Does a Surprise Rollout of File Limits, Locking Out Some Users.” The subtitle of the article is:
The new file limit means you can’t actually use the storage you buy from Google.
If the information in the write up is correct, it appears that Google is collecting money and not delivering the service marketed to some of its customers. A corollary is that I pay a yearly fee for a storage unit. When I arrive to park my bicycle for the winter, my unit is locked, and there is no staff to let me open the unit or way to access what’s in the storage unit. I am not sure I would be happy.
The article points out:
The 5 million total file cap isn’t documented anywhere, and remember, it has been two months since this rolled out. It’s not listed on the Google One or Google Workspace plan pages, and we haven’t seen any support documents about it. Google also doesn’t have any tools to see if you’re getting close to this file limit—there’s no count of files anywhere.
If this statement is accurate, then Google is selling and collecting money for one thing and delivering another to some customers. In my view, I think Google has hit upon a brilliant solution to a problem of coping with the increasing burden of its ill-advised promotion of “free” and “low cost” storage cooked up by long-gone Googlers. Yep, those teenagers making cookies without mom supervising do create a mess.
The article includes a superb example of Google speak, a form of language known to please legal professionals adjudicating different issues in which Google finds itself tangled; to wit:
A Google spokesperson confirmed to Ars that the file limit isn’t a bug, calling the 5 million file cap “a safeguard to prevent misuse of our system in a way that might impact the stability and safety of the system.” The company clarified that the limit applies to “how many items one user can create in any Drive,” not a total cap for all files in a drive. For individual users, that’s not a distinction that matters, but it could matter if you share storage with several accounts. Google added, “This limit does not impact the vast majority of our users’ ability to use their Google storage.” and “In practice, the number of impacted users here is vanishingly small.”)
From my vantage point in rural Kentucky, I think the opaque and chaotic approach to file limits is a useful example of what I call “high school science club management methods.” Those folks, as I recall as a high school science club member myself, just know better, don’t check with anyone in administration, and offer non-explanations.
In fact, the “vanishingly small” number of users affected by this teeny bopper professionalism is vanishingly small. Isn’t that the direction in which Google’s image, brand, and trust factor is heading? Toward the vanishingly small? Let’s ask ChatGPT, shall we: “Why does Google engage in Ready, fire, aim antics?”
Stephen E Arnold, April 4, 2023
Has the Google Caught Its Tail in a Digital Shredder?
March 30, 2023
Judge Donato concluded that Google took deliberate steps to make certain chat messages would not be preserved. The intentional campaign suggests that Google’s senior management is careless, forgetful, or possibly mendacious. Here is a statement in a court document issued on March 27, 2023 for Case No. 3:21-md-02981-JD:
Like Mr. Pichai, other key Google employees, including those in leadership roles, routinely opted to move from history-on rooms to history-off Chats to hold sensitive conversations, even though they knew they were subject to legal holds. Indeed, they did so even when discussing topics they knew were covered by the litigation holds in order to avoid leaving a record that could be produced in litigation. As the examples below make clear, Google destroyed innumerable Chats with the intent to deprive Plaintiffs and other litigants of the use of these documents in litigation.
Another court document. presents information which suggests to me a pattern of intentional behavior. This 19 page list of interesting actions is worth the time required to read how the Google presents one face outside the company and another one inside the company. Googzilla appears to have a touch of the Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in its DNA.
I think it would be helpful if I could delete with one action unwanted emails, text messages, and spam calls. Why should Google reserve instant deletion for its estimable professionals?
Net net: After more than two decades of wowing people with mouse pads, massive revenue, and protestations that the company is not misbehaving, I think someone should create a T shirt in bright Googley colors with the legend, “Be evil?”
Sales of the shirt may not create the buzz that OpenAI and ChatGPT has, but it is a start. Googzilla is likely to find its balance compromised due to the loss of its tail. Ouch.
Stephen E Arnold, March 30, 2023
A Xoogler Predicts Solving Death
March 30, 2023
Note: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid.
I thought Google was going to solve death. Sigh. Just like saying, We deliver relevant results,” words at the world’s largest online advertising outfit often have special meanings.
I read “Humans Will Achieve Immortality in Eight Years, Says Former Google Engineer Who Has Predicted the Future with 86% Accuracy.” I — obviously — believe everything I read on the Internet. I assume that the “engineer who has predicted the future with 86% accuracy” has cashed in on NFL bets, the Kentucky Derby, and the stock market hundreds of times. I worked for a finance wizard who fired people who were wrong 49 percent of the time. Why didn’t this financial genius hire a Xoogler who hit 86 percent accuracy. Oh, well.
The write up in the estimable Daily Mail asserts:
He said that machines are already making us more intelligent and connecting them to our neocortex will help people think more smartly. Contrary to the fears of some, he believes that implanting computers in our brains will improve us. ‘We’re going to get more neocortex, we’re going to be funnier, we’re going to be better at music. We’re going to be sexier’, he said.
Imagine that. A sexier 78-year-old! A sexier Xoogler! Amazing!
But here’s the topper in the write up:
Now the former Google engineer believes technology is set to become so powerful it will help humans live forever, in what is known as the singularity.
How did this wizard fail his former colleagues by missing the ChatGPT thing?
Well, 86 percent accuracy is not 100 percent, is it? I hope that part about a sexier 78-year-old is on the money though.
Stephen E Arnold, March 30, 2023
Telegraph Says to Google: Duh Duh Duh Dweeb Dweeb Dweeb Duh Duh Duh
March 29, 2023
Note: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid. (The anigif is from https://gifer.com/en/Vea.)
That three short taps and three long taps followed by three short taps strikes me as “Duh duh duh Dweeb dweeb dweeb duh duh dun. But I did not get my scout badge in Morse code, so what do I know about real Titanic type messages. SOS, SOS, SOS! I think that today the tones mean “Save Our Search”.
I can decode the Telegraph newspaper article “Google’s Code Red Crisis Grows As ChatGPT Races Ahead.” I am reasonably certain the esteemed “real news” outfit believes that the Google, the destroyer of newspaper advertising revenue, is thrashing around in Lake Tahoe scale snow drifts. If I recall the teachings of my high school biology teacher in 1962, Googzillas do not thrive in cold climates. I suppose I could ask Bing.com or You.com, but I am thinking why bother.
The article states:
The company has been left scrambling to react to the surprise success of ChatGPT, which launched to the public last November. Google executives have labeled it a “code red” problem and co-founders Sergei Brin and Larry Page have emerged from semi-retirement to hold meetings with top AI execs to thrash out a response. ChatGPT presents an existential threat to Google’s core business.
The existential trope is a bit of a stretch, but the main point is clear. The Google is struggling in terms of real news’s perception of the beast. Reality does not intrude on some media tropes. Saying the Google is a dinosaur with enough clicks, and the perceived truth smudges the Google chokehold on online advertising… for now.
The article adds:
Speaking to The Telegraph, Krawczyk [a senior director at Google] said: “There is a separate effort for how generative models will look in search; that is not what you see here. “It [smart software] is a very early stage of this technology and we really want to make sure right now we are focused on delivering the right amount of quality.”
Yes, quality. Those Google search results are fascinating because they are usually wide of the user’s query. How wide? Wide enough to chew through the advertising backlog. The idea of precision and recall, time stamps on citations, and the elimination of the totally useless Boolean operators really delivers what Google considers as quality: Revenue. The right amount of quality means the revenue targets needed to float the boat.
Google’s smart software Bard-edition has not yet reached its Orkut or Dodgeball moment. Will it? At this time, I think it is important to keep in mind that if one wants to generate clicks, one must buy Google advertising. Until smart software proves that it can mint money, “real news” outfits may want to find a way to tell the Emperor of Ads, “You know. You look really great in that puffy coat. Isn’t it the same one the Pope was showing off the other day.”
There are those annoying SOS tones again: Duh Duh Duh Dweeb Dweeb Dweeb Duh Duh Duh. Are Sundar and Prabhakar transmitting again?
Stephen E Arnold, March 29, 2023
Google Goofs: Believing in the Myth of Googzilla and the Digital Delphi
March 27, 2023
I used the word “Googzilla” to help describe the digital Delphi located near what used to be Farmer’s Field. When I began work on “The Google Legacy” in 2002, it was evident to me and my research team that Google was doing the Silicon Valley hockey stick thing; that is, slow initial start, some desperation until the moment of insight about GoTo-Overture’s pay-to-play model, and a historical moment: Big growth and oodles of cash.
By 2002, the initial dorm cluelessness about how to raise money was dissipating, and the company started believing its own mythology. The digital Delphi had the answers to questions. Google knew how to engineer for success. Googlers were wizards, alcolytes of the digital Delphi itself. To enter the shrine the acolyte wizard-to-be had to do well in interviews, know about the comical GLAT or Google Labs Aptitude Test, or just know someone like Messrs. Brin and Page or a cluster of former Alta Vista computer types. A good word from Jeff Dean was a super positive in the wizardly walk to understanding.
What couldn’t Google do? Well, keep senior executives from dallying in the legal department and dying on yachts with specialized contractors to name two things. Now I would like to suggest another weakness: Security.
In a way, it is sad that Google acts as if it knows what it is doing and reality discloses some warts, flaws, bunions, and varicose veins. Poor, poor Googzilla 2023.
In September 2022, Google bought Mandiant, a darling of the cyber security community. The company brought its consulting, security, and incident response expertise to Google. The Google Cloud would be better. I think Google believed their own publicity. But believing and doing something other than selling ads and getting paid by any party to the transaction is different. It pains me to point out that despite craziness like “solving death,” “Loon balloons,” and more investment plays than I can count, the Google is about online ads. What about security?
Here’s an example.
I watched a painful video by a Canadian who makes high treble, jarring videos about technology. The video explains that his video channels were hacked and replaced by a smiling Elon and crypto baloney. You can watch the explanation at this link. And, yes, it has YouTube ads. For more information, navigate to “Linus Tech Tips Main YouTube Channel Hacked.”
I have one question: Google, is your security in line with your marketing collateral? Mandiant plus Google? Doesn’t that keep YouTube videos from being hijacked? Nope. The influential Linus and his sorrowful video makes clear that not even YouTube stars can relax knowing Google Mandiant et al are on the job.
Has the digital Delphi’s acolytes explained the issue? Has the security thing been remediated? What about Google Cloud backups? What about fail safe engineering? So many questions for the folks growing stunted oranges in Farmer’s Field. I want to believe in the myth of the once-indomitable Google. Now Googzilla could lose a claw in a harvesting machine. Even with a limp, Googzilla can sell ads like a champ. Is it enough? Not for some, I fear.
Stephen E Arnold, March 27, 2023
Google and Its High School Management: An HR Example
March 22, 2023
I read “Google Won’t Honor Medical Leave During Its Layoffs, Outraging Employees.” Interesting explanation of some of Google’s management methods. These specific actions strike me as similar to those made by my high school science club in 1959. We were struggling with the issue of requiring a specific academic threshold for admission. As I recall, one had to have straight A’s in math and science or no Science Club for that person. (We did admit one student who published an article in the Journal of Astronomy with his brother as co-author. He had an incomplete in calculus because he was in Hawaii fooling around with a telescope and missed the final exam. We decided to let him in. Because, well, we were the Science Club for goodness sakes!)
Scribbled Diffusion’s rendition of a Google manager (looks a bit like a clown, doesn’t it?) telling an employee he is fired and that his medical insurance has been terminated.
The article reports:
While employees’ severance packages might come with a few more months of health insurance, being fired means instantly losing access to Google’s facilities. If that’s where a laid-off Googler’s primary care doctor works, that person is out of luck, and some employees told CNBC they lost access to their doctors the second the layoff email arrived. Employees on leave also have a lot to deal with. One former Googler, Kate Howells, said she was let go by Google from her hospital bed shortly after giving birth. She worked at the company for nine years.
The highlight of the write up, however, is the Comment Section. Herewith are several items I found noteworthy:
- Gsgrego writes, “Employees, aka expendable garbage.”
- Chanman819 offers, “I’ve mentioned it before in one of the other layoff threads, but companies shouldn’t burn bridges when doing layoffs… departing employees usually end up at competitors, regulators, customers, vendors, or partners in the same industry. Many times, they boomerang back a few years in the future. Making sure they have an axe to grind during negotiations or when on the other side of a working relationship is exceptionally ill-advised.
- Ajmas says, “Termination by accounting.”
- Asvarduil offers, “Twitter and Google are companies that I now consider radioactive to work for. Even if they don’t fail soon, they’re very clearly poorly-managed. If I had to work for someone else, they’re both companies I’d avoid.
- MisterJim adds, “Two thoughts: 1. Stay classy Google! 2. Google has employees? Anyone who’s tried to contact them might assume otherwise.
High school science club lives on in the world of non-founder management.
Stephen E Arnold, March 22, 2023
The Google: Is Thinking Clearly a Core Competency at the Company
March 16, 2023
Editor’s Note: This short write up is the work of a real, semi-alive dinobaby, not smart software.
The essay “The Nightmare of AI-Powered Gmail Has Arrived.” The main point of the article is that Google is busy putting smart software in a number of its services. I noted this paragraph:
Google is retrofitting its product line with AI. Last month, it demonstrated its take on a chatty version of its search engine. Yesterday, it shared more details about AI-assisted Gmail and Google Docs. In Gmail, there are tools that will attempt to compose entire emails or edit them for tone as well as tools for ingesting and summarizing long threads.
Nope. Not interested.
The image of three managers with their hair on fire was generated by https://scribblediffusion.com/. My hunch is that a copyright troll will claim the image as their clients’ original work. I sticking with the smart software as the artist.
I underlined this statement as well:
Most interesting are the ways in which these features seem to be in conflict with one another.
What’s up?
- A Code Red at Google and suggestions from senior management to get in gear with smart software
- Big boy Microsoft continued to out market the Google (not too tough to do in my opinion)
- The ChatGPT juggernaut continued to operate like a large electro-magnet, pulling users from folks who has previously accrued significant experience with large language models.
The write up makes one point in my opinion. Google’s wizards are not able to think clearly. As the article concludes:
For example, in offices already burdened by inefficient communication and processes, it’s easy to see how reducing the cost of creating content might produce weird consequences and externalities. Tim can now send four times as many emails as he used to. Does he have four times as much to say?
Net net: Wow, the Google. The many and possibly overlapping smart services remind me of the outputs from a high school science club struggling to get as many Science Fair project done in the final days before the judging starts. Wow, the Google.
Stephen E Arnold, March 16, 2023
-
- Subscribe to Beyond Search
Feature archive
News archive
-
