Alphabet Google: Wonky PR but PR Nevertheless
December 13, 2016
I read with some discomfort “Google Employees Confess All the Things They Hated Most about Working at Google.” The slight nausea was not caused by the word “all” in the headline. I admit that the word “all” did contribute to my vexatiousness, but the black light focused on the Google sent me for the Nauzene.
Unwarranted criticism of Alphabet Google fuels my need to Nauzene and its four minute formula. Relief cannot come quickly enough.
Imagine. Google employees expressing negative opinions about the company that handles more than one trillion queries per year, makes oodles of money selling highly relevant advertisements delivered to knowing customers, and inventing tomorrow every day. What would the world be like without the Loon balloon, the amusing Google self driving automobile, and the maps which deliver information about where to buy pizza.
I highlighted five items from the laundry list of complaints. Here are the ones which spark my engine to turn the winch that will pull these wizards from Googzilla’s maw and put them to work at a company which values talent; for example, Amazon. Amazon allows its employees to sleep in efficient tents outside of the company’s warehouses. Google tolerates a few Googlers who live in campers in a company parking lot or under desks in cubicles on in beanbag chairs.
Here you are:
- Honest criticism is not part of the ethos. Who needs honesty when everyone is awesome at an awesome company producing awesome products and services? Answer: No one. What’s the problem, Googler?
- Google is disorganized. Impossible. The ads appear as planned. Well, there may be some missteps, but most of the ads work really well. Confusing applicant names or encouraging an employee to remain in the same job without a stroke or two are two examples of understandable process failures. No biggie.
- Data, not human functions, fuel decisions. If it cannot be counted, “it” cannot exist. What’s the problem here? Google is into data. Get into data or get out of Google. Anyone can make a career mistake, but don’t blame others for one’s lack of objective, logical, mathematical ability.
- Some employees are not used to their potential. Hey, this is a problem with you, buttercup. Do something significant or apply for a job with the Salvation Army or Wal-Mart. Perhaps the potential of some Googlers cannot be realized because of faults with the individual with the self perception problem, not Mother Google?
- Google doesn’t follow through? What’s this? Google delivers. The proper data driven analysis reveals that Google files patents, handles electronic mail, and tweaks the Android mobile operating system. The notion that Google does not deliver required legal documents to the European Commission when the European Commission wants them is a problem that the European Commission has, not my beloved Google. No large company can deliver perfection, unless it is in the area of objective, on point search results.
For more reasons why some benighted souls are not getting with the Google program, read the original write up. Better yet, get hired as a Googler or become a consultant to Google. Enter the land of milk and money.
Stephen E Arnold, December 13, 2016
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