A Xoogler Predicts Solving Death

March 30, 2023

Vea4_thumb_thumbNote: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid.

I thought Google was going to solve death. Sigh. Just like saying, We deliver relevant results,” words at the world’s largest online advertising outfit often have special meanings.

I read “Humans Will Achieve Immortality in Eight Years, Says Former Google Engineer Who Has Predicted the Future with 86% Accuracy.” I — obviously — believe everything I read on the Internet. I assume that the “engineer who has predicted the future with 86% accuracy” has cashed in on NFL bets, the Kentucky Derby, and the stock market hundreds of times. I worked for a finance wizard who fired people who were wrong 49 percent of the time. Why didn’t this financial genius hire a Xoogler who hit 86 percent accuracy. Oh, well.

The write up in the estimable Daily Mail asserts:

He said that machines are already making us more intelligent and connecting them to our neocortex will help people think more smartly.  Contrary to the fears of some, he believes that implanting computers in our brains will improve us. ‘We’re going to get more neocortex, we’re going to be funnier, we’re going to be better at music. We’re going to be sexier’, he said.

Imagine that. A sexier 78-year-old! A sexier Xoogler! Amazing!

But here’s the topper in the write up:

Now the former Google engineer believes technology is set to become so powerful it will help humans live forever, in what is known as the singularity.

How did this wizard fail his former colleagues by missing the ChatGPT thing?

Well, 86 percent accuracy is not 100 percent, is it? I hope that part about a sexier 78-year-old is on the money though.

Stephen E Arnold, March 30, 2023


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