What Not to Say to a Prospective Investor (Unless They Just Arrived via Turnip Truck)
April 11, 2016
The article on Pando titled Startups Anonymous: Things Founders Say to Investors That Are Complete BS is an installment from a weekly series on the obstacles and madness inherent in the founder/investor relationship. Given that one person is trying to convince the other to give them money, and the other is looking for reasons to not give money, the conversations often turn comical faster than it takes the average startup to go broke. The article provides a list of trending comments that one might overhear coming from a founder’s mouth (while their nose simultaneously turns red and elongates.) Here are a few gems, along with their translated meanings,
“Our growth has been all organic.” Translation: Our friends are using it. “My cofounder turned down a job at Google to focus on our company.” Translation: He applied for an internship a while back and it fell through. “We want to create a very minimalist design.” Translation: We’re not designers and can’t afford to hire a decent one. “This is a $50 billion per year untapped market.” Translation: I heard this tactic works for getting investors.”
The frustrations of fundraising is no joke, but founders get their turn to laugh at investors in the companion article titled What I’d Really Like to Say to Investors. For example: “If today, we had the revenue you’d like to see, I wouldn’t be talking to you right now. It’s as simple as that.” Injecting honesty into these interactions is apparently always funny, perhaps because as founders get increasingly desperate, their BS artistry rises in correlation.
Chelsea Kerwin, April 11, 2016
Sponsored by ArnoldIT.com, publisher of the CyberOSINT monograph
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