Gartner Starts 2018 with Stale Spam
December 31, 2017
After a decade of New Year blog posts I was running out of ideas. But, I received an email from a Gartner Group professional named Brandon Pineres.
I don’t know Brandon. I don’t know anyone in Florida I would trust to walk my 11 year old boxer Max.
I assume Brandon is a person who is trying hard to sell me Gartner’s consulting services. He may be eager to convert me to a dot point in one of Gartner’s intellectually challenged Magic Quadrants. (BCG’s Bruce Henderson probably shakes each time he contemplates what happened to General Eisenhower’s grid which BCG whipped into the cash cow, star, loser graphic decades ago.) Brandon may be hoping that I will write a check for %55,000 or more so I can give a talk at one of Gartner’s networking events.
Quick tip: Navigate to Beyond Search and run a query for Gartner. I have written about or mentioned Gartner a handful of times. Try this write up, for instance: Cacaphones.
His spam (email I did not request) enjoined with wonky syntax like “being that” and offered with great good cheer:
Having attempted to reach out to you over the last few weeks I wanted to follow up one last time before the end of Gartner’s financial year. Being that Gartner is a publically traded company, we are being offered the most aggressive commercial flexibility now. I have the ability to get you unlimited access at a highly discounted price. I would love to work with you to explore the most cost effective Gartner solution that can support ArnoldIT’s strategy in 2018. Would you be interested in having an exploratory dialog today and discuss the commercial incentives and how you can work with your key analysts in 2018 to accelerate time to revenue and increase awareness with your buyers?
Does the tone and approach reminds you of the baloney some business school majors absorb from adjunct professors who don’t want to work at Wendy’s or McDo’s?
Also, I have no record of Brandon’s “reach out.” I have been sitting in my office working on the second edition of the best selling “Dark Web Notebook” and making Dark Cyber videos. I am not sure Gartner can help me with my strategy. I suppose if he attends the Telestrategies ISS events at which I lecture, he might pick up an idea or two about where my research is headed. Well, maybe not.
Brandon does not think I know that Gartner Group is publicly-traded. I do know this. I also know that Gartner Inc. has trended down, flopping around $123 a share. In an effort to pump up revenue, Brandon’s spam is, according to mid tier consulting firm reason, going to generate revenue from me.
Wrong.
As a former Booz, Allen & Hamilton professional and veteran of some other reasonably interesting jobs, I typically pay little or no attention to what I call mid-tier consulting firms and their staff. I have done odd jobs for some other blue-chip outfits, but I have not involved myself with the mid-tier or bottom-feeders unless I was paid by them to show up at an event or write a short report. In my experience, the non-blue chip firms buy reports from people like me and then put their name on them. Want proof? Check out the erstwhile Dave Schubmehl, an administrative master, at this link.
Several points:
- Why not spend a moment to research the person before sending spam? Spam might have unintended consequences.
- Why pretend to have tried to contact me and I, because of stupidity or indifference, did not respond to unsolicited email?
- Why assume that a former Booz, Allen person will write a check to a mid-tier consulting firm’s offer of low-ball pricing and help making contacts?
My hunch is that there are people who will fall for this type of marketing.
I won’t and don’t. A word of advice from the sage of Harrod’s Creek: Don’t spam me. I can be frisky plus I have time to write humorous essays about those who don’t take the time to learn about my background.
Brandon, I bet 2018 will be a better year without unsolicited emails. What do you think?
Now I have to email your message with headers to my pals at spam@uce.gov.
Stephen E Arnold, December 31, 2017
Comments
4 Responses to “Gartner Starts 2018 with Stale Spam”
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I was amazed with how you put effort on this post. I will inevitably share it to my colleagues. TY for your effort in {writing this blog.
Your information about Gartner is outdated by 18 years. Gartner Group became Gartner, Inc. back in 2000.
This rep was undoubtedly inviting you to assess whether or not a business relationship would be mutually beneficial. Why blog about a salesperson doing their job correctly?
All electronic communication from business partners you haven’t met yet is considered SPAM? How have you developed business in the digital age?
Your background is no excuse to be a condescending. I would dread managing your account and certainly wouldn’t buy your book.
Sincerely,
Non-Gartner Tech Salesperson
Wow! For such an esteemed businessman, you seem to have an extensive amount of time on your hands. Perhaps if you spent a little more time working, and less time writing “humorous essays”, you wouldn’t be contacted by their “small” business division.
It is, indeed, a cold Winter, but that does not give you the excuse to be a snowflake.
Best,
Richard Long
Arnold,
Thank you for your perspective! It is imperative that we elevate our discussions around technology and not sink into the depths of how to monetize our services or position for growth. Yes, I agree! Brandon may not garner any insight from listening to your presentation at the upcoming Telestrategies ISS events. Instead, we should continue to obfuscate and confuse those who have the budget and wherewithall to engage in technology/technology consulting services by speaking only to tech and rarely to business impact like your brilliant series Dark Cyber. This surely will impress them enough to sign without question. And thank you! I was not aware that paying money could make me a data point on Gartner’s “so called” prestigious “Magic” Quadrant, which goes against all public and private communication and their ethics policy per their page here: https://www.gartner.com/technology/research/methodologies/. Thank you lastly for confirming that if someone refers to a piece of information in an email, they don’t think you know that – re: Gartner is a publicly traded company. This information will be essential in further developing my emotional intelligence/awareness.
Yours Truly,
ThankfulCitizen