Beyond Search, Public Relations, and News

January 22, 2009

One of my neighbors has been trying out her .60 GE M134 Predator. I don’t think she had depleted uranium bullets, and I haven’t seen squirrels or my neighbors’ dogs since her fusillade. My publisher of my forthcoming Google monograph sent me a joke germane to the weird world I inhabit with this Web log. Disclaimer and editorial policy for the Web log is here in case you are not familiar with the addled goose’s approach.

First, the joke, translated by my demanding, time obsessed editor whom I have known for more than 25 years. We’re still not pals, which provides some insight to my inherent likeability. He’s a gem, of course.

Joke: Consultants, PR People, SEO Mavens Embraced

A shepherd was guarding his flock in the middle of the countryside when, in a cloud of dust, he spied a Range Rover coming towards him. The driver — a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and Hermés tie — lowered his window and said to the shepherd: “If I can tell you exactly how many sheep there are in your flock, will you give me one of them?”

The shepherd looked at the young man and replied: “Certainly”.

The man parked his car, fired up his laptop computer, connected it to his mobile phone, surfed the Web to the NASA page, communicated with a satellite navigation system, surveyed the region, opened a database and thirty or so Excel sheets with complex formulae. Finally, he printed off a detailed report of around ten pages on his miniature printer and told the shepherd: “You have exactly 1,586 sheep in your flock”.

“That is accurate,” said the shepherd. “As agreed, please take one”.

He watched the young man make his choice and install the animal in the back of his car, then he added: “If I can guess your profession correctly, may I have my animal back?” “Why not?” replied the young man.

“You are a high-powered information consultant”, said the shepherd. “Absolutely correct,” came the reply. “How did you know that?”

“It’s easy. You arrive without having been asked. You want to be paid to answer a question to which I already knew the answer and, quite evidently, you know nothing at all about my business. Now, please give me back my dog”. (Translated by Harry Collier, Infonortics, Ltd. 2009)

If you didn’t “get” the joke. Here’s a visual aid, needed because 20 percent of the US doesn’t read at the high school level and most professionals under the age of 30 (what I call the trophy generation) are often happier with a video than a verbal challenge-response approach to a topic.

image tyson

Tip: the sheep is white. The dog who is’s marketing consultant, is the caramel color animal. Both have similar ears which may confuse some of the trophy generation who think I am a publishing company.

Beyond Search Editorial Policy

There seems to be a trend to send me email about whizzy and allegedly groundbreaking technologies. I am getting PR spam. Now, the people writing me are really nice. The emails compliment the Web log and some even assert that they are “avid readers” of this Web log. I suppose that’s okay.

The voice of the Web log is the “addled goose.” See the logo. You can also search for my literary allusion to the waterfowl in winter to find out why I like the lone goose metaphor. You may also want to note that this Web log is a free Web publication that presents my views of online information. Some of these views are Swiftian. If you don’t know what that allusion means, you want to snag a copy of Gulliver’s Travels.

So, before you mail me news about forthcoming products, keep in mind that I don’t do “news”. I am not the New York Times. Heck, I’m not even as competent as the majority of the 113 million Web logs tallied by experts on blogs. If you want me to view a demo, use the email seaky2000 at yahoo dot com. I will let you know. If you send me information that I did not specifically request, that information may appear in this Web log or it may not.

If you want an advertorial in this Web log, check out the About page here. I provide an option for that type of information as well.  Use the appropriate email address, please. When you write me at sa at arnoldit dot com, I will sell you time. When you write me at seaky2000 at yahoo dot com, I will look at your info and I may use it in this Web log or I may not. Free means loss of control in Harrod’s Creek, Kentucky. Beyond Search’s ombudsman is Tess, the deaf and now rescued boxer. She’s white which means she may be confused with the sheep by some I suppose.

If you want to correct, amplify, or post related information, please, use the Comments section of this Web log. I now have six or seven readers, but the PR folks and sales wizards confuse me with the “real” Web logs written by people who went to journalism school. I was in the computer lab or in the detention hall. But I did read Jonathan Swift and Alexander Pope too. He is the nightmare of a guy who wrote: “A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.” Reading is FUNdamental.

Stephen Arnold, January 22, 2009


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