Telegraph Says to Google: Duh Duh Duh Dweeb Dweeb Dweeb Duh Duh Duh

March 29, 2023

Vea4_thumb_thumbNote: This essay is the work of a real and still-alive dinobaby. No smart software involved, just a dumb humanoid. (The anigif is from

That three short taps and three long taps followed by three short taps strikes me as “Duh duh duh Dweeb dweeb dweeb duh duh dun. But I did not get my scout badge in Morse code, so what do I know about real Titanic type messages. SOS, SOS, SOS! I think that today the tones mean “Save Our Search”.

I can decode the Telegraph newspaper article “Google’s Code Red Crisis Grows As ChatGPT Races Ahead.” I am reasonably certain the esteemed “real news” outfit believes that the Google, the destroyer of newspaper advertising revenue, is thrashing around in Lake Tahoe scale snow drifts. If I recall the teachings of my high school biology teacher in 1962, Googzillas do not thrive in cold climates. I suppose I could ask or, but I am thinking why bother.

The article states:

The company has been left scrambling to react to the surprise success of ChatGPT, which launched to the public last November. Google executives have labeled it a “code red” problem and co-founders Sergei Brin and Larry Page have emerged from semi-retirement to hold meetings with top AI execs to thrash out a response. ChatGPT presents an existential threat to Google’s core business.

The existential trope is a bit of a stretch, but the main point is clear. The Google is struggling in terms of real news’s perception of the beast. Reality does not intrude on some media tropes. Saying the Google is a dinosaur with enough clicks, and the perceived truth smudges the Google chokehold on online advertising… for now.

The article adds:

Speaking to The Telegraph, Krawczyk [a senior director at Google] said: “There is a separate effort for how generative models will look in search; that is not what you see here. “It [smart software] is a very early stage of this technology and we really want to make sure right now we are focused on delivering the right amount of quality.”

Yes, quality. Those Google search results are fascinating because they are usually wide of the user’s query. How wide? Wide enough to chew through the advertising backlog. The idea of precision and recall, time stamps on citations, and the elimination of the totally useless Boolean operators really delivers what Google considers as quality: Revenue. The right amount of quality means the revenue targets needed to float the boat.

Google’s smart software Bard-edition has not yet reached its Orkut or Dodgeball moment. Will it? At this time, I think it is important to keep in mind that if one wants to generate clicks, one must buy Google advertising. Until smart software proves that it can mint money, “real news” outfits may want to find a way to tell the Emperor of Ads, “You know. You look really great in that puffy coat. Isn’t it the same one the Pope was showing off the other day.”

There are those annoying SOS tones again: Duh Duh Duh Dweeb Dweeb Dweeb Duh Duh Duh. Are Sundar and Prabhakar transmitting again?

Stephen E Arnold, March 29, 2023


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